Are You Focusing on the Wrong Thing?

Back when I was twenty-four, I imagined my Dream Guy—what he looked like, how he dressed, his haircut, and even his tortoiseshell-rimmed glasses. Well, the Universe is powerful, y’all, because less than a week later, this very guy walked into the flower shop where I was working. We hit it off instantly, and I fell hard. Really hard.

He was everything I asked for—except I forgot to ask for “Available.”

Big mistake. HUGE.

He was dating other girls, and I was a hot mess in the prison of jealousy I had made for myself. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life. In my dream scenario, I had only focused on what he looked like, not on how I wanted to feel when I was with him.

It’s the very same thing with weight loss.

How many times do we only think about how we want to look, but forget about how we want to feel?

How many times have we starved ourselves into a thinner body, but created a tumultuous relationship with food, or ramped up the self-hate to shame ourselves into losing weight and keeping it off?

What’s the point of being thin if you hate yourself or feel crazy around food?

Personally, I’d rather like myself and have a healthy relationship with food, even if that means that I carry a few extra pounds. The peace I have in my life now feels way better than the craziness that accompanied my lowest scale weight.

If you’ve been focusing only on how you look and that’s not working for you, I invite you to change your focus to how you want to feel.

What’s your Dream Scenario?

“I feel nourished and energized by the food I choose to eat.”

“I feel beautiful in the pretty clothes I choose to wear.”

“I feel strong and flexible as I move my body on a regular basis.”

“I feel confident in my abilities and in who I am as a person.”

“I feel loving to myself and others.”

It’s important that you give yourself at least three to six months to build this new Dream Scenario. You might feel tempted by the voice that still wants to focus on how you look, but I invite you to lovingly remind that voice that focusing solely on your looks wasn’t working and that you are trying something new. Then gently refocus your attention back to how you want to feel.

Cultivate the feelings you want to experience like you were tending to a garden.

Water them with focused attention.

Feed them with supportive thoughts.

Pull the weeds (negative thoughts) and discard them.

Hmmm… I kind of like that imagery… tending to my “Feelings Garden.”

What will you grow in your Feelings Garden?

I hope this post has helped you plant some new seeds.


It’s Okay to Say “No, thank you”

You’ve been there. We all have.

You’ve set out on a plan to get healthy and you’re doing great. You’re making wise choices that feel good to you, and those choices are creating the results you deeply want for yourself.

Then someone offers you a drink or food that’s not on your plan, and you are faced with a choice: Take care of yourself by saying “No, thank you,” or abandon your plan and accept the food or drink being offered.

A high percentage of people faced with this choice will default to the latter.

Why do we abandon ourselves so easily?

It’s a weird form of self-preservation, really.

Here’s how the inner dialogue goes:

Dialogue #1

“If I refuse, I will hurt their feelings, and then they will think ill of me. I want to be liked, so I will sacrifice my health goals and eat or drink what’s offered.”

Dialogue #2

“If I refuse, they will think I’m on a diet. I don’t want people to think that, because then it means that there is something wrong with me that I’m trying to change. I want to fit in, so I must join in with the eating and drinking to appear “normal.”

Supplemental Dialogue:

“Well, now I’ve blown it. I may as well eat everything, because tomorrow I’ll go back to being strict again.”

What I invite you to see here is that these are just stories in your mind.

You can’t hurt other people’s feelings—especially by taking care of yourself.

If someone decides to feel hurt because you choose to stay true to your health goals—that would definitely be a friendship worth evaluating.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be healthy, and great health is created by small choices made in the moment.

Too many women are worried that the thoughts other people will think about them when they say “No, thank you” are going to be negative—BUT—what if by saying “No, thank you,” you are actually offering inspiration to others because you are providing an example that it’s okay to be totally yourself, which includes taking care of yourself in the moment.

We need more women like this in the world.

I invite you to be one of them.